To
Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion who obviously
would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note
should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk
rock 101 courses over the years, since my fist introduction to the,
shall we say, ethics involved with independence an the embracement
of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the
excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with
reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond
words about these things. For example when we're backstage and the
lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't
affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed
to love, relish in the love an adoration from the crowd, which is
something I totally admire an envy. The fact is, I can't fool you,
any one of you. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people
off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes
I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out
on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it
(and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate
the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people.
I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when
they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order
to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours,
I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known
personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over
the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's
good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so
much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive,
unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it?
I don't know! I have a goddess of wife who sweats ambition and empathy
and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full
of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone
is good and will do her no harm. And That terrifies me to the point
where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances
becoming the miserable, self destructive, death rocker that I've
become. I have it good, very good, and I' grateful, but since the
age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general.
Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy.
Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your
letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic,
moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember,
it's better to burn out then to fade away.
Peace, Love, Empathy Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Pleas keep going Courtney,
for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without
me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU! |